2020 Word Of The Year Is...

My 2019 word, Value, was the result of something that Graham, aka The 502 Kid aka Drunk Astrology. said to me towards the end of 2018:

"Human to human...everyone deserves to be valued."

And 2019 was the year of value. I valued my friends, family, relationship, and experiences. I went out of my way to let those I interacted with know that I valued them and what they were doing. I was very intentionally about valuing the people and experiences that came my way. 

2019 was also the year that I was truly valued. My family and friends have always made me feel valued. My work situations have always been a different story. I was always undervalued when it came to my work- the work I was doing, the people (superiors) I was working with, and the organizations I was working for. I was so undervalued that coworkers were going out of their way to comment on how much I wasn't being appreciated.

I started working in the private sector in 2019. The company I work for rarely says that they value employees, but they are showing on a daily basis that their employees are valued. I have never felt so valued, appreciated, or respected in a workplace before. 

When selecting my 2019 word, I wanted a word that I felt I could carry out long term for the year and not short term until a specific goal was accomplished. I felt that 'Value' did that. I want the same thing for my 2020 word:

It took me a long time to come up with my 2020 word. I didn't want to repeat a word that I had used in the past, and I wanted a word that I could carry throughout the year. I also wanted a word that I could apply to myself as well as my relationships with others, and any situations/experiences I found myself in. 

After a lot of thought I settled on Joy. I want to feel joy as I experience life and go through my days. Even if I am doing menial tasks or in a tough situation, I want to be able to find joy in everything. I also want to bring joy to other people's lives. I want people to feel joy when I'm around- whether that means just being in my presence or a shared experience, offering words of encouragement, or a random act of kindness. I want 2020 to be filled with joy for myself and those around me. 

In November 2019, a long time family friend- Patty- passed away unexpectedly. I reflect back on the last time I saw her, at a local restaurant, and I'm reminded of the animated way she waved to me, her smile, and the expression of joy on her face to see me. Patty was always so happy and excited to see people. Being in her presence was a pure joy. I want to make people feel the way Patty made me feel the last time-and every time- I saw her. 

In 2020, I want to be filled with joy for myself and those around me. Cheers to a joy filled year!! 

You Were So Good To Me, 2019

Dear 2019,

It breaks my heart to know that you are leaving me- and in a matter of hours. When we met a year ago, I had so much optimism for us, 2019, and you did not disappoint. You were everything I needed and when I needed it. Things weren't perfect- we had a couple of bumps in the road- but I knew you were by my side and would see me through. 

We got off to a quiet start, which is what I needed. You gave me time to heal from the abuse and negativity of 2018, but were still there to make sure I didn't dwell, and to give me glimpses of what could be. These little bits of encouragement were monumental in my healing. 

2019, you showed me the possibilities of what could be, what I deserved, and as each possibility passed- because it wasn't the right fit- you made sure the next possibility was even better than the last. You showed me a lot of possibilities in a short amount of time, but it really didn't take you long to bring the perfect opportunity my way. 

In March, you were by my side as I started a new job. While this job is one I have been doing for almost 10 years, you brought me into the public sector and a new industry. This is a dream company, with a dream team. Everyday I am excited to make my mark, accomplish goals, and cheer on my teammates. This is a company that rarely says they value employees but on a daily basis shows employees how much they are valued and appreciated- actions speak louder than words, right? I can't thank you enough, 2019, for introducing me to this opportunity and making sure I ended up where I was supposed to be.

S and I faced some challenges this year, but they made us and our relationship stronger. It helped us put things in perspective and to reaffirm our commitment to each other. We had many happy times together- way more happy than sad. I felt loved, appreciated and cared for. You allowed us to grow together and experience life together. You were there to encourage us as we supported one another through the downs, and celebrate with us through the ups. My favourite moments- a May afternoon by the lake, a summer day by a cornfield, drives down country roads, meals together- were simple ones, but happy ones. 

2019, you made sure I traveled- Kissimmee twice, Toronto, Moncton, Ottawa, Vancouver, Nashville, Anaheim, and Chicago. You took me east to Moncton, New Brunswick and west to Vancouver, BC. It was amazing to experience both provinces and two different parts of the country. I enjoyed learning and immersing myself in Arcadian culture, and seeing the Tidal Bore while out east. The afternoon spent in Stanley Park, including the Aquarium, and seeing the majestic mountains in the west was amazing- plus getting to spend time with my cousin!

Nashville was a trip of a lifetime. I loved experiencing and exploring the city! Country Music Hall of Fame, RCA Studio B, Hatch Print Shop, Bi-Centennial Park, Marathon Motorworks, Parthenon, Broadway...experienced so much. I truly enjoyed my time in Nashville and had a blast! 

Another fun trip, 2019? Anaheim! While the days were long and filled with meetings, the little extra time we had was so appreciated. It was amazing to be able to kick back and relax for a few hours and and have FUN. No agenda, no timelines, no expectations...just pure fun. We spent this time at California Adventure and Disneyland. Experiencing the magic of Disney at Christmas was the best way to be put in the holiday spirit. The fireworks and light show were amazing! We did so many rides, with Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars as major highlights! I can't remember the last time I laughed so much, had that much fun, or felt that carefree or pure joy. 

2019, Hometown Hockey was another once in a lifetime experience that you brought me. It was so great to go back to my hometown and celebrate hockey and what hockey means to our community. It was three days of hockey and I had a lot of fun being part of it! Being able to chat with Ron and Tara, connecting with former hockey players, and being part of the National live broadcast were truly memorable.

You really were so, so, so good to me, 2019. You lived up to expectations I didn't know where there, you brought me so much happiness, joy and promise. You took care of me, you guided me, you provided me the chance to explore and experience life, you made sure I ended up where I was supposed to be. 2019, you showed me I was valued, respected, appreciated- that I deserved to be valued, respected, appreciated. 

I really have no words, 2019, to express what you meant to me and how good you were to me.

2019, I know you are on the verge of leaving me- of moving on. I'm grasping to our last moments together before you introduce me to 2020. There are whispers that 2020 will be just as good to me as you were. I hope that's true.

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.

Write a good one.

-Brad Paisley

Memories: The Night Before Christmas

Happy December!! While I am Summer Lover- hello beach!!- I can get on board with the Happiest Time of Year- the holidays!! I've been in the Christmas spirit for a few weeks now- listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas movies, writing Christmas cards...I've got all of my Christmas shopping done- except for my S.O.

There is so much I love about the holiday season, but hands down my absolute favourite is spending time with the people I love the most and creating memories. 

Speaking of memories...I thought I would share one of my favourite childhood Christmas memories, a memory that my brother, cousins and I reminiscent about every year on Christmas Eve.

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My aunt, my mom's sister, would host my uncle's (her husband) family on Christmas Eve. My family did our own thing and had our own Christmas Eve traditions- which I loved and have happy memories of- but we would always head to my aunt's house later on in the night for dessert. 

Every year, shortly after my parents, brother and I arrived, my aunt would be ready to serve dessert and it would be discovered that my uncle forgot to pick up ice cream- the one thing she asked him to do- on his way home from work. They would have an argument and my uncle, in his anger, would go out to buy ice cream.

My uncle's sister, Aunt Penny, would take all the kids upstairs and we'd sit on my cousin's bed while Aunt Penny read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to us while we waited for my uncle to get back with ice cream. I remember being all cozy and squished in bed with everyone, and Aunt Penny really getting into the reading.

Every year, while my uncle was out getting ice cream and in the middle of Aunt Penny reading to us, Santa would show up! We would hear Santa, jump out of bed and run downstairs to greet him. It was so exciting to see Santa and have a quick visit with him before he had to get back work.

After Santa left, Aunt Penny would finish reading to us, and my uncke would return with ice cream. Us kids would excitedly tell him how Santa came to see us and that he just missed Santa. He would be disappointed that he missed Santa. Can you blame him?! He missed seeing Santa by a few minutes!! 

What was amazing, is that every year- EVERY YEAR- my uncle would just miss Santa. If only he had remembered to pick up ice cream on his way home from work...he could have seen Santa too.

7 Things I Can't Live Without*

I consider myself so incredible lucky and blessed to always have everything I need to get through life. I have the best family, amazing friends, a job that I love, awesome coworkers and work environment/culture, great opportunities...the list goes on. 

With the exception of family/friends/job, and the basics needed to survive, I thought it would be fun to list 7 Things I Can't Live Without*:

1. Cellphone- I know it's kind of sad, but I really can't live without it and I feel lost- and maybe anxious- if I don't have my phone with me. I use it to call, text and email, but it also helps me get places (Google Maps), know the weather and travel conditions, keeps me up to date on current events, allows me to capture memories via video and photos, let's me know the time, wakes me up (alarm), keeps track of my schedule (calendar), nd so much more. I would truly be lost- physically and metaphorically- without it. 
2. Office Dogs- My workplace is a dog friendly office. Having dogs around really does elevate the mood in the office. The dogs will come over to be pet, play, or to sleep under our desks.  
3. Books- It is no secret that I love to read. I'm always surrounded by books. Reading is a way for me to relax and unwind, and be distracted in negative times. Plus, books are social for me- it gives me something to talk about with other people and are the driving force behind my monthly outing with friends for our book club meeting.
4. Water- Now, you might be thinking 'I thought you were going to exclude basics to survive?' and I am. While I do love to drink water, I can't live without being near water. I LOVE the beach and spend as much time there as possible. As spend as much time as possible being near water- lakes, rivers, canals, ponds. Water is very calming for me and helps me think.
5. Friends- This is my all time favourite tv show. It is soooo funny- even after all these years and seeing episodes many times over. I watch this show every night before I go to bed. 
6. Drunkastrology- Graham is hilarious and gives me life. His weekly forecasts are highly entertaining and his weekly Instagram Live is the highlight of my week!!
7. Hockey- I'm Canadian. Enough said. Go Rangers!!

*I could really live without if needed, but would prefer not too

Difficult Roads, Beautiful Destinations

Late last year, I left a very unhappy, uncomfortable situation that did not align with my personal beliefs. I wasn't being treated well, I wasn't being valued. Selfish people were stabbing people in the back to protect themselves. As hard as I tried to stay out of it, explicitly saying I wanted nothing to do with the situation, I kept getting dragged in. I wasn't the only one. Three people created chaos and brought so much negativity to the lives of others. People were drastically affected in life changing ways.

While I was able to get out of the situation, in a very ugly way, and move forward with my life rather quickly, my past- the situation, people connected- have popped up every so often reminding me of everything that happened and how horrible it was. Sometimes it's a negative thought, and sometimes it's a punch in the stomach. 

It was a very difficult road I found myself on and it ended in a dark spot, but I kept traveling the road. The road I was on, the journey, had some nice stops along the way. The road became less difficult, even though there were still challenges and sharp turns and uphill portions. 

Now? I have a job I love, an amazing company and team that I'm part of, quality friendships, a fulfilling relationship and the best partner. My family, who has always been great, has always been there.

The difficult roads I traveled down did lead me to a one of the most beautiful destinations, more beautiful than I had ever imagined. This beautiful destination is a place I plan on staying at for awhile. 

10 Things That Make Me Happy

We are mid-week, mid-January, just past blue Monday...We can all use a bit of happiness. Event if we were at the weekend, mid-summer, we could still use some happiness. There is rarely a bad time for happy. 

Generally speaking, I am a very happy, optimistic person. I actually had a former supervisor tell me recently that she felt my positive outlook on life naturally happy demeanor has served me well considering everything that I am currently dealing with- but I am Just Done with that situation.

When I am feeling down, here are 10 things I do to pick myself up and feel happy again.

1. Watch Friends. I think is hands down the funniest show ever. This show makes me laugh so much, even after all these years! 
2. Read a book. Getting lost in a book is a great way to forget what's going on. Sometimes I will turn to whatever book I am currently reading. Other times I turn to a favourite book I have read a million times, or a book by Sophie Kinsella who is a hilarious author. 
3. Phone a friend. Curling up and having a conversation with a friend is so great. I don't always tell my friends what's going on- although venting is good- but just chatting and catching up always makes me feel better.
4. Kitchen dance party. Seriously, this is so fun! I ask google to play some music and just sing along and dance away.
5. Watch favourite YouTubers/Instagramers aka people who make you laugh. Simply Nailogical is one of my favourite and funniest YouTubers. On Instagran I love Kathleen aka Carrie Bradshaw Lied Instastories. She is hilarious. Also hilarious? Drunk Astrology aka The 502 Kid.
6. Write. There is nothing like putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and getting it all out of your system. If something is really getting me down and I just can't shake it, writing always helps.
7. Plan a trip. Even if I have nowhere to go, I will research places I want to go- where to stay, what to do. This is fun for me and gives me something to look forward to! And when, I am finally ready to book that trip, I already have a head start on the planning. 
8. Listen to Grownups Read Things They Wrote As Kids. This podcast never fails to make me laugh. I have even been to a live recording, which was so fun and so funny. 
9. Go for a walk/drive. Change of scenery and fresh air are great ways to feel happier. I love walking around downtown and along the river, or driving to the beach and walking along the pier and/or boardwalk. 
10. Sleep. I think we can all agree that naps are amazing. Sometimes all I need is a nap so that I feel well rested and have a fresh perspective. Sometimes I need to sleep for hours, so that I can wake up and just start over. 

Just Done

Towards the end of 2018, I ended a friendship with one of my best friends. In January or February of 2018, she started an affair with a married co-worker. She too is married. As of November, the last time I really spoke to her, she was still involved with him. She thought she was in love with him and thought of him as her boyfriend. 

She used me in a VERY messed up game that she was playing. Her "boyfriend" also used me as a pawn in order to "get back at" people he didn't like, and to reassure my former friend. Things spiraled out of control and over 20 people ended up in an unnecessary, painful, stressful situation. The result of what they did affected people in life changing ways...this was not a small situation. 

Of all the people who know of and were involved in the situation, most of them think that I was treated the most unfairly and harshly, with greatest consequences. There was a whole aspect of my life that was turned upside down and torn apart. I don't know if I was treated the most unfairly, but I agree that I had the greatest consequences. I am still dealing with and wading through those consequences from two months ago. I am optimistic that things will work out and be resolved, but as of right now, there is no end in sight.

In the immediate aftermath, I cut her out of my life. I didn't talk to her, and I prevented her from talking to me- blocking and deleting her. 

She and I eventually had a very short conversation, where my goal was to tell her that I wasn't mad or upset with her...I had accepted the situation and moved on. I had no intention of rekindling our friendship, but I wanted her to know I had no ill will. 

Her goal was to tell me how much I hurt her by blocking her, how unfairly I had treated her, that I hadn't acted like a friend...essentially tell me I am bad person, guilt trip me, and play the role of victim. As far as she was concerned, I was making up things that had happened to me- even though I was flat out told that what was happening to me was a result of something she had said and done, which I told her. She told me she couldn't talk about it and proceed to update me on her life, as if nothing had happened. I was a little surprised-as she identifies as a Christian and says she wants to do the right thing, and be a good person- that she refused to take ownership for her role, her refusal to apologize for- or even acknowledge- the damage she created.

I, in good conscience and good faith, could not be friends with someone like her- liar, cheater, consistent stupid decision maker, hurting innocent people, backstabbing her best friend, frequently selfish and self absorbed, etc. I deserved better than that. Plus, you are who you associate with and I did not want to be associated with all of that. Our conversation reaffirmed to me that I had done the right thing in ending our friendship.

We hear it all the time- know when to cut your losses and move on. Easier said than done, I know. A lot of times you just need to be done...with situations, people. Sometimes there is just no working things out...because there is no positive resolution, because the other person doesn't deserve to still be in your life, because you can't reach a resolution, because...because...because...

You can just walk away.

You don't need to harbour resentment or bad feelings. You can just say "I'm done" and move forward with your life. You don't need to justify or explain why you are done. You can be done with things over big situations- like mine- or it can be over small things that bother you but are insignificant to others. You don't need to rehash things, you don't have to try and work things out, and you do not need to accommodate anyone else.

Know yourself worth and value.

Just be done. 

It's ok to be done.

2018 Favourites

I am a tiny bit delayed in this post, but I wanted to share with all of you some of my favourites from 2018!

Skincare:

Garnier SkinActive Moisture Bomb has worked wonders on my super dry skin. This is a quick absorbing, long lasting moisturizer that adds so much relief to my skin. This product can be used day and night, but I only use it in the morning. 

Makeup:

Pixi H2O Skin Tint Tinted Face Gel is more like a tinted moisturizer and a great substitute for foundation! I'm not a fan of foundation, as I feel it's too heavy on my skin. This product is light coverage, does a great job evening out your skin tone, and making skin look flawless. 

Clothing:

Old Navy Boyfriend Straight Jean are the most comfortable jeans I have ever worn! On top of that, these jeans are the perfect length for me; I'm only 5'2" and they hit right above my ankle, no tailoring needed.

Shoes:

Deflex Comfort Shoes from Payless are my go to shoe. They come in a variety of styles, but they all have a foam sole which is super comfortable. They also are elastic so they form to your foot, with no slipping and no blisters! I wear these shoes for 12+ hours with no issues.

Scent:

Lemongrass is a scent that I have been drawn to throughout 2018. I really like the citrus scent, it's very fresh and energizing. There are a ton of benefits to this essential oil, but I really just like the smell. 

Accomplishment:

So, I don't have an image to go along with this 'Favourite', but in 2018 I had 98 events that I worked on! This is by far the most events I have ever worked on in a single year. In 2017, I worked on 60-something events, which at the point had been the most. I am so proud on the number and quality of events that I did. On top of the 98 events, In 2018 I had started working on 20-25 events for 2019.

Memory:

Image via adventureworld.com.au

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to visit Prince Edward Island. I had the opportunity to go to PEI in 2018 and I had an amazing time! This was the first time I traveled and explored a place by myself, and PEI was a great place to visit! You can see pictures from my trip here, here, here, and here.

Get To Know Me YouTube Tag...On The Blog! Part II

Last year I did a 'Get To Know Me' post, which you can find here, and I thought I would do another one today.  

1. Who was your first best friend? My first best friend from Junior Kindergarten was Lori. Ann I have no idea what connect us and made us best friends...but I remember how much I liked her, how we were always together, and how- just like her big sister- we talked on the phone every day. What four year olds have to talk about, I don't know...but I vividly recall that we were always talking on the phone.
2. What is your spirit animal and why? I had someone who does energy work tell me that my spirit animal is a horse- something about freedom, being a free spirit- which I understand and see how it applies to me. I like horses. I would like to think that my spirit animal is a flamingo. I have always LOVED flamingoes! As a spirit animal, they represent balance in life, fun and relaxation. I looked up the meaning of flamingo as a spirit animal, and it also means: emotions, teamwork, sociability, and forgiveness.
3. What are your life goals? My biggest life goal is to be happy...in everything I do, be happy. My other biggest life goal is to travel to all of the Canadian Provinces and Territories! I have been to 6 of 10 Provinces and 0 of 3 Territories so far.
4. What is your favourite Netflix show? I just finished the latest Fuller House season. I'm making my way through RuPaul's Drag Race, just started season four (go ahead and judge me...I'm judging myself on this one), and I'm also watching Dynasty. 
5. What is your favourite genre of film and why? Comedy!! Who doesn't like to laugh?! My least favourite genre is Italian Cinema...I spent three years studying it and I STILL don't get it.
6. What was the last movie you watched? The last movie I watched and focused on was I Feel Pretty. The last movie I 'watched' was Princess Diaries 2...It was on tv and half watched it, half did things around the house.
7. How many countries have you traveled to? 7- USA, Jamaica, Mexico, Cuba, Australia, Spain, and Portugal. 
8. Do you have any pets? I do not, but I am attempting to grow a lemon tree! It's currently a little lemon sprout that I have been growing from a lemon seed. 
9. What is the craziest thing you have every done? I don't know if this is the craziest, but it is the most spontaneous: In university, me and my high school best friend decided to go to Toronto for the night. An hour later, we were on the road with two of our other friends. We stayed downtown at a fancy hotel, rented a limo to drive around, and just lived the life. It was so much fun!
10. What theme parks have you been to? Not many...Canada's Wonderland, Darrin Lake, Disney World, Epcot, Blizzard Beach, and Hollywood Studios when it was MGM.
11. What is your Starbucks order? My order changed with the seasons, but my year round order is a grande peach tea, or grande caramel macchiato with coconut milk.
12. What do you do in your free time? Read! I spend a lot of time reading. I also blog. I like to spend as much time as I can at the beach- swimming, walking, reading, napping. Watch Netflix and YouTube. And of course, go out with friends. 
13. What was the most memorable concert you've been to? I don't know if it's the most memorable concert...In August 2017, Joel Plaskett (who I LOVE) was playing at a festival I attend every year. He was part of a songwriter circle workshop, which I also went to. I got there super early, so I was near the front. After the workshop, I was hanging around the stage in hopes of meeting Joel (no one was doing a meet and greet), and I did! He was super nice!! He signed a CD for me and I got a picture. I've had the opportunity to meet a number of artists after shows, but it's usually because they are doing a meet and greet...this was memorable because there was no meet and greet. 
14. What country do you want to visit? I would love to go back to Australia and experience it as an adult. I would like to visit Ireland and Italy, as those are the two countries my family is from.
15. Who is your favourite politician? First of all, this was a legit tag question. My favourite politician? My dad. Second favourite is Rona Ambrose. 
16. Describe your life in one word. Unique!
17. What is your favourite offline game? Cards Against Humanity is a lot of fun and funny. I have been playing poker recently (with fake money).
18. What is your favourite sport? If you asked me this a year ago, I would have said hockey- which I still love- but my new favourite sport is Canoe Polo, which I got to see for the first time last summer!
19. What was the last text you sent? "I hope you had a good birthday and that you get a good night sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow"
20. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? This is something that depends on my mood. But in the summer, at an ice cream parlour, my favourite is mint chocolate chip and cotton candy together.
21. What is one thing you like about summer? The long days of sunlight and being at the beach.
22. What is one thing you like about winter? Snow days- the perfect excuse to stay in, spend the day in pj's and being lazy. 
23. What colour is your bedroom? My bedroom at my parents house is pink- lipgloss to exact and green- and my bedroom at our second home is a yellowish-creamish colour. My bedroom at my place is yellow and blue.
24. Can you play the piano? Kinda! I took lessons as a child and I can still remember a couple of songs. But no, not really.
25. What quote inspires you? "Imagination is more important than knowledge." -Albert Einstein

If you do this tag, let me know...I would love to see your answers! 

This Year I Resolve Not To...

A lot of people- myself NOT included- take the opportunity to set resolutions for the new year. People will set goals to quit smoking, lose weight, exercise more, save money...all honourable. Sometimes resolutions will be more fun- fall in love, spend more time with friends, finally take that dream vacation. I've never been one to jump on the New Year's Resolution Bandwagon. I know that, like most people, I won't keep the resolutions, so why bother?

This year, I thought instead of making a list of things I will do this year, I would make a list of things I won't do. I still don't consider these "resolutions".

Here are the 10 things I resolve not to do in 2019:

1. Let people devalue me. I know myself worth and if you are not going to value me, I don't have room for you in my life. 
2. Have a bedtime. In the past, I have gone to bed whenever I felt like it- sometimes at 9pm, sometimes at 2am- and still managed to be awake and start my day by 8am. This has worked for me in the past, so why change it?
3. Become a vegetarian. Do you know how great bacon is?! I am not giving that up. I also resolve not to become a vegan, because cheese.
4. Give up on cheesecake. It's delicious and just makes life better. 
5. Watch Star Wars/Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter. I have never seen any of these movies, to the shock and awe of many. 
6. Start smoking. That way I don't have to resolve to quit smoking later. 
7. Throw a snowball that has ice in it at someone. That's just mean.
8. Binge Netflix for more than two consecutive days. You need a break, you need to leave the house, you need to do something-anything-productive. 
9. Listen to screamo music. Never been a fan. 
10. Confine myself to top 10 lists. Also, I can't think of anything else. 

This post was inspired by Amber from Airing My Laundry. You can find her list of things she resolves not to do here. 

2019 Word of the Year Is...

My 2018 word, self-care, was inspired by someone who was one of my best friends. It was based on a conversation he and I had. He told me that he felt I should spend 2018 focusing on me because I spend so much time and energy focusing on others. He wasn't wrong. While this was a conversation that shaped my 2018, in July our friendship came to an end...it had run it's course, and he was very needy and draining. I miss him and think of him fondly, and am thankful that he inspired me to take care of myself. 

In 2018, there were weeks and months where self-care took a backseat to other things, but I did spend more time on self-care than in previous years. Eating habits changed (less eating out, more homecooked meals), I would spend nights in relaxing instead of feeling like I had to go out, I took more baths, incorporated essential oils, massage and other relaxation treatments, turning my phone off, doing more things because I wanted to and less things I felt obligated to. I can honestly say that I felt a lot happier in 2018, and self-care played a big role in that.

Thinking of my 'Word of the Year' was a bit of a challenge for 2019. I wanted a word that resonated with me, a word that I felt I could carry out long-term for the year, and not just short-term until I accomplished a specific goal. I did come up with a word, and it's something that I was lacking in 2018. 

My 2019 Word of the Year is...

Value

I heard a lot of talk in 2018 about valuing people, and I can tell you that I DID NOT feel valued in 2018- especially by the people who talked about how important it is to value people. It was lip service. We all know actions speak louder than words...and I can tell you there were no actions. 

Now, I know that it might seem like my 2019 Word is coming from a negative place...and it is coming from a negative experience. That experience made me realize that I never want to feel unvalued again...and if I do, I need to get the hell out ASAP. I know my worth, and deserve to be valued.

Taking it even further, everyone deserves to be valued. At least at first...they might do something where they no longer deserve to be valued by you...but then you need to get out of dodge and move on from them! You know, because of self-value. 

Towards the end of October, I had a conversation with Graham Brietenstein aka The 502 Kid aka 

Drunk Astrology. Graham said something to me that was life changing at the time. It resonated with me and made me see things differently. It was his words that got me through the darkest time of 2018. Graham said: 

"Human to human...everyone deserves to be valued."

In 2019, I want to always be in a position where I feel valued and not waste time or energy on people, places, and experiences that are devaluing. Taking it a step further, I want to make sure that I am valuing people and that people know they are valued by me. I want my words and actions to be clear to those around me that they are valued. 

2018, It's Time We Move On

Dear 2018, 

I don't even know where to begin... You were aware of the heartbreak that 2017 put me through, and I was excited to leave 2017 and start something with you. You had so much promise.

You were so good to me, 2018. We had fun, you brought me joy, there was adventure. But in the end, you betrayed me. 

We started with the opportunity for self-care, which I desperately needed. I went back to looking after myself, something I hadn't done in awhile. I did things because I wanted to, and I cut out a lot of things that I felt obligated to do. I stopped putting in effort with "friends" who couldn't be bothered. I started focusing on friends who deserved my friendship. This resulted in the loss of people who I considered best friends, but I saw that our friendship was one sided and that I deserved better.

Things were going so well for us, 2018. We travelled out East- Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia. I had the experience of a lifetime and made some amazing memories. This was the first time in four years (almost to the day), since I had taken a week off. It was much needed- the vacation, the time to relax, the chance to explore, the opportunity to experience the East Coast. I have always wanted to visit PEI, and I have a goal to visit all of Canada's Provinces and Territories. Thank you for helping me accomplish this and cross two provinces off my list. My trip out East is one of the highlights of our relationship.

Another highlight? S. Bringing S to me, our chance meeting, everything that had to happen in order for us to have that initial interaction, and everything that has happened since...I am forever thankful. He is everything...the support he has given me, his belief in me and encouragement, his caring and understanding, his kindness...there is so much good. For this, I will be in your debt.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my dad's re-election. While the campaign was...trying...his landslide victory was welcomed with gratitude. People believe in him, the work he is doing and the work he would like to do. He, with the support of our family, will continue to serve our communities, continuing to make them a better place.

Professionally, 2018, you brought me my busiest year. I worked on 98 events, an increase of over 30 events from 2017. I traveled more for work than in any other year. I was traveling to the same two places- Peterborough and Ottawa- but you kept me on the road. Each trip was met with busy days of meetings, but I also had the time to connect with people.

One of the Peterborough trips gave me a once in a lifetime opportunity. I had the chance to have dinner IN the Canadian Canoe Museum...in the middle of the building, surrounded by exhibits. This was such a memorable, unique, once in a lifetime experience.

I felt that I hit my stride professionally this year. I took risks, I gained confidence, my talent and hardwork were recognized- but not appreciated. I reached a point where I had proved that I can do and handle anything. Most importantly, I realized my professional value.

2018, things were going so well for us. I thought you were The One. 

Towards the end of October-I can't recall the exact date- something happened. This was the start of the betrayal, the beginning of the end. I knew it the second that it happened. The next 4-ish weeks were miserable, everything changed for the worst. You made me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, violated...A LOT of negative. I withdrew, went through the motions, hoping the abuse would stop, hoping I would go unnoticed and be left alone. Wishful thinking. You kept coming for me, abusing me over and over.

It all came to a head on November 22. I saw clearly. I was disappointed, disgusted, appalled, horrified at your character and actions. I wanted NOTHING to do with you. I lost all respect for you. I saw who you really were. I realize there is more to the story, things I don't know. But I know enough that you don't deserve me, my time or my thoughts. You definitely do not deserve my loyalty. That went out the window with your false and poor judgement- which I have told people about. Your secrets are no longer safe with me. After what you did, you don't deserve my protection and I am not going to lie to cover up for you. If I get asked, which I have, I will continue to tell the truth.

I felt relief...I was done with you. I had my escape, I was finally free. Almost. I knew I still had weeks left with you, 2018. But we really began to live separately. The next day, I had a fantastic girls weekend that was so much fun. In the weeks that followed, I spent time with the people I love the most, a lot of them I hadn't been able to spend time with previously. I went back to self-care. I went out to events, embraced the role of political daughter. I started to set myself up to be noticed by someone else, so that when the time came I would be ready to 100% move on.

I am so ready to move on. I am thankful for everything you brought me, 2018, but I am done with you. That month-ish of negativity overshadows all of the good. There was so, so, so much good...but that's how bad those four weeks were. As I move on, I will leave the negative with you because it's what you deserve. I will be taking the good with me-my experiences and memories, family and friends, S, true friendships, love and support, and the promise of better opportunities.

You should know 2018, that in about 16 hours I will be meeting 2019. I have so much hope and optimism for me and 2019. Please leave me alone, let me move on, and let me discover with 2019 all that you could not give me or live up to. 

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.
Write a good one. - Brad Paisley

A Year In Review- 2018

I feel like 2018 flew by...everything just happened so quickly, and I spent a lot of the year feeling like I wasn't able to enjoy things- life was too busy, time was moving too quickly. I feel like there were things I wanted to do in 2018 that I never even had the chance to think about, never mind actually do. for the most part, 2018 was a good year. Things turned sour at the end of October, but let's not get into THAT right now. Let's focus on the good!

There was a lot of good this year...it was a happy year, mostly, with a lot of highs!

I started the year off by having a Girls Night in January with some great friends, where we went out for dinner and then to see Pitch Perfect 3 (better than Pitch Perfect 2, not as good as the original). This movie outing set the pace for the year- I saw four movies in theatres (Pitch Perfect 3, Game Night, Ocean's 8, and Crazy Rich Asians), when I usually see one movie every four years. 

February is not only my birthday month- where I had a great day of relaxing before heading out for a night of fun with friends- but I had the opportunity to go to a live recording of Grown Ups Read Things They Wrote As Kids. This is hands down my favourite podcast, it is hilarious! It was so fun to see the podcast live...just as funny in person!

In March I had a day off, and went to have a reading with a psychic medium, Kelly. Kelly is actually a friend of mine and she has been reading me for years. Readings with Kelly are always fun, insightful, and accurate. During this reading, she shared with me symbols that a friend of mine would show me, and that when I see these symbols it means he is with me. He has shown up multiple times through his symbols. She also told me something that would happen in June, which it did and was one of the best things to happen to me this year.

April I was hosted by Ottawa Tourism and got to spend a couple of days in Ottawa. I had the opportunity to stay at Arc The Hotel, which is a trendy boutique property that I highly recommend! Arc and Tourism were so good to me! It was a work event, so I spent the day in meetings, but I also had the chance to walk around Ottawa. My walks weren't anywhere specific, but it was great to spend some time just wandering around. 

Images Via Pitch Perfect 3 // PEI // Ottawa // Canoe Polo // Peggys Cove // Grownups Read Things They Wrote As Kids

All year I had been looking forward to May and June! May was a BUSY month...there was a lot going on, but this was the month that I would be taking a week off-the first time in four years! This was also a trip I had been looking forward to for about a year. At the end of May and beginning of June I traveled to PEI and Nova Scotia. This was the first time that I was traveling to Eastern Canada. I LOVED the time I spent out East. I had a fantastic time exploring and experiencing Charlottetown. I spent my time in Nova Scotia in Halifax, with day trips to Peggy's Cove and Lunenberg. This trip lived up to my expectations and I can't wait to visit both provinces again!

Also in June something that Kelly said would happen did. It has been such a blessing in my life, I am so grateful and can honestly say my life changed for the better. Years of patience has rewarded me with something that went beyond my expectations. 

End of July and the beginning of August was the Canoe Polo World Championships. I had the opportunity to accompany my father to the Opening Ceremonies, the Welcome Reception, and the closing Gala- all were once in a lifetime experiences and a ton of fun. I also had the opportunity to attend a number of games. Canoe Polo is my new favourite sport! It is such a fast pace, exciting game! 

September provided another once in a lifetime experience. I was hosted by Peterborough Economic Development and invited to a dinner held IN the Canadian Canoe Museum...like in the middle of the building surrounded by exhibits in the Museum! We also got a mini experiential tour, had the chance to try paddle carving, and got to make (and keep) our own soapstone carving! It was truly an amazing experience and still smile thinking about how great it was! 

For October it is hard to pick a highlight...my dad was re-elected with a resounding majority, about 80% of the vote. I had the opportunity to stay at the historic Lord Elgin hotel in Ottawa. I had a conversation with Graham...the conversation came after a negative situation that made me question some things. Graham made a comment that made me see things differently, he provided some food for thought, and he reminded me that I deserve to be valued.

My first reaction is to just skip over November because it was such a disappointing month for me. While A LOT of terrible things happened, it was these things that ultimately led to me feeling free and no longer having to associate with a group of negative, unethical people. You are who you associate with, and I don't want to associate with them. Everything happens for a reason. The highlight of this month was sitting front row at a Royal Wood concert with one of my best friends. We had a great time together. I hadn't seen Royal in concert in just over a year...I forgot what an amazing entertainer he was! Musically, he is insanely talented, but he is also a lot of fun to watch live. 

Finally we are at December. December has been a month full of spending time with the people I love the most. Being reminded of how much value I added and how much I deserve to be valued. It has been a month filled with refocusing my energies and refocusing on my priorities. This has been a month full of promise, new opportunities. I have felt so appreciated, loved, and supported this month. 

2018 has been a good year...going back and thinking about everything that has happened each month, picking a highlight, has reminded me of all the good. End of October and November were miserable, but they also had good points. 

I'm looking forward to 2019 and seeing what the year has in store!!

My Hope For You This Week

I hope that everyone had an amazing Christmas Day yesterday...a day full of love, laughter, family and friends. Here in Canada, today is Boxing Day-I will not be heading our shopping but I hope to find some deals online- and the first day of the World Juniors!! Here's hoping that Canada does well in the tournament this year!!

Now, I realize that not everyone celebrates a holiday in December, and I realize that some people are headed back to work today or tomorrow. But I hope you all can find some time to reflect on your 2018 and start to think about what you would like 2019 to be like for you. I hope you have the chance to connect with family and friends, people you love the most, this week. I hope there is opportunity for you to enjoy some quiet moments to yourself, focusing on self-care...however that may look for you. 

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook last week, and I knew I wanted to share it on my blog. It's a reminder to focus on the small things and appreciate what you have in life. Find joy in every moment.

Mandy Hale, @thesinglewomen

Christmas Eve Love

Christmas Eve is probably my favourite day of the holiday season. The anticipation of Christmas Day has yet to come, and the chaos of preparing for the holidays are behind you- if it's not done yet, it won't get done. The excitement without the stress. 

December 24 has always been magical for me. As a child there was, of course, the anticipation of Santa (you can read about my yearly Christmas Eve encounter with Santa here). There was always something, regardless of my age, that was special about Christmas Eve. Decorating our tree, time spent with grandparents, visiting with friends.

Christmas Eve is the day that I spend with the people I love the most. Sometimes distance prevents me from being with someone I love, but in that case there will be a phone call...dedicated time to spend connecting. I spend the day visiting with my closest friends- sometimes we spend a couple of hours together over lunch, sometimes it's a few minutes to drop off a gift. 

A visit to my dad's office...a tradition started with him and his dad- a time to reflect on the past year, and toast the coming year. A realization that we are late to get home, where we- parents and siblings- rush to decorate our tree before spending time with other family members. An evening out, returning home to spend more time with my parents, siblings, cousins, and my brothers best friend of 30+ years.

Image Via bbriverboats.com

I have spent 'my evening out' the same way for the past 20 years. Back in 1998, a friend from school- a girl I met at summer camp- invited me to spend Christmas Eve with her and her family.

She is an only child, and her parents welcomed me that year and every year since. Her aunt, her mom's best friend, her mom's other best friend and her husband are also there. My friend has since married, and her husband joins us too. These eight people have become my second family. 

Everyone is welcomed with hugs, offered a drink, and we get to chatting. Eventually we sit down to dinner. We exchange gifts, take pictures, and enjoy spending time together. There is so much laughter and happiness. Just thinking about my second family and our Christmas Eve makes my heartful. 

Today is Christmas Eve, and I am looking forward to spending time with those I love most, and to celebrate my 20th Christmas Eve with my second family. 

10 Things I Love About Spring

Back in January, I shared 10 Things I Love About Winter, so I thought I would do a Spring version!!

1. Winter is over- I am not a winter fan. At all. It's too far away from Summer, my favourite season.  
2. Flowers- I REALLY like flowers!! I like how pretty and cheerful they are. We tulips in our backyard, and I love seeing them come up every Spring. 
3. Spring Fashion- While I love actual flowers, I am not a fan of flower prints. But I am happy to put away the bulky winter wear, and pull out the lightweight Spring dresses...so comfortable!! 
4. Kentucky Derby- The first Saturday in May is KY Derby, my favourite day of the year!! Love watching the 'most exciting two minutes in sports' and all the lead up. My goals are to host Derby Party, eventually- I just need to get organized- and, of course, attend the Derby in person. 
5. Start of Patio Season- There is nothing like sitting on a patio with friends on a beautiful, warm, sunny, Spring day, enjoying a couple of drinks.
6. Spring Showers- While I do love sunny weather, I also like Spring showers! I love the way the air smells, and it can be fun to take a walk in the rain. Plus the rain leads to green grass, leaves on trees, and flowers. 
7. May 2-4 Weekend- While technically in the middle of Spring, in Canada it is the unofficial start of Summer! A lot of people take this weekend to open their cottages, prep their properties for Summer (bringing out hammocks and BBQ's, opening pools, etc), and partake in the great summer tradition of camping. A lot of parks, campgrounds, conservation areas, officially open this weekend too. 
8. Being Outside- Winters in Canada can be LONG, so it's nice to be able to spend time outside without freezing or counting down until you can go back inside. It's nice to be outside and actually enjoy being outside.
9. Longer Days- The days get longer with more sunlight, which is so amazing!! The sun is out when I head into work, and it's still out hours I get home from work. The daylight makes it feel like you have more time to do stuff...when it's dark you always like you should be in bed. Sunlight is motivating to be more productive.
10. Open Windows- The temperature is perfect to have our windows open (it can get super humid in the Summer, where you'll want the windows closed and AC turned up)! Air out your home, enjoy the breeze, and let the fresh air in!!

As Much Effort...As You Do With Me

I started last week with hope...someone, unexpectedly, coming back to me. By mid-week, I started to question him- as much as I like him. By the end of the week, I knew I had to let him go...I deserve more than heartache. Again. From him. My week was also spent with friends...I am so lucky to have amazing friends who are supportive, caring, encouraging. They have my best interest in mind, and are always telling me that I deserve to be happy, that they want to see me happy. These are friends that I can trust, and confide in. They celebrate with me, and console me when needed.

Getting to connect  with these friends this week, got me thinking of other friends and people in my life. After a fun girls night on Friday, which also included a little soul baring which led to soul searching, I spent the weekend removing people from my life- removing/unfollowing on social media, and removing their numbers from my phone. 

Image Via

I came across this quote awhile ago, and it immediately made me think of a very specific person, who I did remove from my life on the weekend. Despite my best efforts, she is someone I haven't seen in almost three years...she will frequently be within 30 minutes from me (which I know because of her social media posts), and won't bother telling me. I talk to her once a year, when I call her, and she'll say "we should get together next weekend", but I never hear from her again. Up until two-ish years ago, I was always initiating contact- calling (which she rarely answered, and never returned), texting, extending invitations. I was frustrated with always being the one putting in the effort. So I stopped (with the exception of the yearly phone call). The extent of our "friendship" is her "liking" a photo on Instagram...every few months, she'll leave a comment.  

After some thought, I can think of a small handful of "friends" this applies too. I removed them this weekend too. 

Going through my social media and phone, I came across some people...they were at one time people I considered friends. People I made the effort to be a friend too. People that my relationship with just fell apart or we lost touch. People I hadn't spoken to or seen in years...people who I cared about, and who I doubt even think of me any more. 

I was holding on to the past...holding out hope that something would change, that we would go back to "what was". In the best case, it would be someone who I haven't interacted with in a year, even though I have tried multiple times over the year to connect with them. In the worst case, it was people I haven't connected with in 10+ years. 

I realized I needed to let these people go. I can think back on happier times with them and smile. But what we had is over and will likely never be again. 

On Friday, I realized I needed to let go of my past so that I can move forward. 

And, it's ok to not talk to some people anymore. The amount of effort I put in, is the amount of effort I deserve in return.

My Year 2017- Stephen Wack

On Monday, I posted about the Humboldt Broncos and how the team was involved in a tragic accident on Friday. One of the players who passed away, Stephen Wack, was also a videographer. On March 19, the last time he posted YouTube, he posted a video "My Year 2017", which you can see below. He was obviously a multi-talented young man. I love that this video captures highlights from his life in 2017, as well as showcase his talent. 

We Are All Broncos

Since the inception of this blog, Dreams and Colour, I have posted a quote on (most) Mondays. Usually a quote that either reflected on what currently going on in my life, or a quote to focus on for the week. I have spent the past few days thinking about a quote to post today that would capture my thoughts and feelings, and/or be the perfect tribute to the Humboldt Broncos. 

I have come up empty handed. Like all of Canada and the hockey world, I am struggling to find the words. So, instead of a quote I decided to post a couple of images.

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On Friday, the Humboldt Broncos were on their way to Game 5 of a playoff series when the team bus was involved in a devastating accident. 29 people were on board and- as of this writing- 15 have died. The remaining 14 people are all injured. One of the players is currently on life support so his organs can be donated. Among the deceased are the head coach, team captain, and the radio broadcaster. You can learn more about members of the Broncos here.

Hockey teams from the NHL, AHL, ECHL, NCAA, and other leagues came together to show their support for the Humboldt Broncos- moments of silence, special tributes, donating proceeds from 50/50 draws. A number of teams- both in the NHL and other leagues- gathered at centre ice to show unity and support for the Broncos; united in tragedy, united in hockey, united as a team.

My heart hurts for this team, community, family, friends, billets, volunteers. In Canada, practically all communities are close-knit hockey towns. Teams are ingrained in our identity and community pride. The teams unity and give back to our communities. Canada hurts and mourns with Humboldt. We are embracing Humboldt and sending love, thoughts and prayers.

A Go Fund Me page has been set up to support players and families affected.

I'm going to end this post with blank space. The space can be a moment of silence, a place for thoughts, a tribute to the team and community, a spot for everything unsaid and things that have yet to be said.

Humboldt, we stand with you. We are all Broncos.