Monday, 7 May 2018

As Much Effort...As You Do With Me

I started last week with hope...someone, unexpectedly, coming back to me. By mid-week, I started to question him- as much as I like him. By the end of the week, I knew I had to let him go...I deserve more than heartache. Again. From him. My week was also spent with friends...I am so lucky to have an amazing friends who are supportive, caring, encouraging. They have my best interest in mind, and are always telling me that I deserve to be happy, that they want to see me happy. These are friends that I can trust, and confide in. They celebrate with me, and console me when needed.

Getting to connect  with these friends this week, got me thinking of other friends and people in my life. After a fun girls night on Friday, which also included a little soul baring which led to soul searching, I spent the weekend removing people from my life- removing/unfollowing on social media, and removing their numbers from my phone. 

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I came across this quote awhile ago, and it immediately made me think of a very specific person, who I did remove from my life on the weekend. Despite my best efforts, she is someone I haven't seen in almost three years...she will frequently be with in 30 minutes from me (which I know because of her social media posts), and won't bother telling me. I talk to her once a year, when I call her, and she'll say "we should get together next weekend", but I never hear from her again. Up until two-ish years ago, I was always initiating contact- calling (which she rarely answered, and never returned), texting, extending invitations. I was frustrated with always being the one putting in the effort. So I stopped (with the exception of the yearly phone call). The extent of our "friendship" is her "liking" a photo on Instagram...every few months, she'll leave a comment.  

After some thought, I can think of a small handful of "friends" this applies too. I removed them this weekend too. 

Going through my social media and phone, I came across some people...they were at one time people I considered friends. People I made the effort to be a friend too. People that my relationship with just fell apart or we lost touch. People I hadn't spoken to or seen in years...people who I cared about, and who I doubt even think of me any more. 

I was holding on to the past...holding out hope that something would change, that we would go back to "what was". In the best case, it would be someone who I haven't interacted with in a year, even though I have tried multiple times over the year to connect with them. In the worst case, it was people I haven't connected with in 10+ years. 

I realized I needed to let these people go. I can think back on happier times with them and smile. But what we had is over and will likely never be again. 

On Friday, I realized I needed to let go of my past so that I can move forward. 

And, it's ok to not talk to some people anymore. The amount of effort I put in, is the amount of effort I deserve in return.

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