7 Things I Can't Live Without*

I consider myself so incredible lucky and blessed to always have everything I need to get through life. I have the best family, amazing friends, a job that I love, awesome coworkers and work environment/culture, great opportunities...the list goes on. 

With the exception of family/friends/job, and the basics needed to survive, I thought it would be fun to list 7 Things I Can't Live Without*:

1. Cellphone- I know it's kind of sad, but I really can't live without it and I feel lost- and maybe anxious- if I don't have my phone with me. I use it to call, text and email, but it also helps me get places (Google Maps), know the weather and travel conditions, keeps me up to date on current events, allows me to capture memories via video and photos, let's me know the time, wakes me up (alarm), keeps track of my schedule (calendar), nd so much more. I would truly be lost- physically and metaphorically- without it. 
2. Office Dogs- My workplace is a dog friendly office. Having dogs around really does elevate the mood in the office. The dogs will come over to be pet, play, or to sleep under our desks.  
3. Books- It is no secret that I love to read. I'm always surrounded by books. Reading is a way for me to relax and unwind, and be distracted in negative times. Plus, books are social for me- it gives me something to talk about with other people and are the driving force behind my monthly outing with friends for our book club meeting.
4. Water- Now, you might be thinking 'I thought you were going to exclude basics to survive?' and I am. While I do love to drink water, I can't live without being near water. I LOVE the beach and spend as much time there as possible. As spend as much time as possible being near water- lakes, rivers, canals, ponds. Water is very calming for me and helps me think.
5. Friends- This is my all time favourite tv show. It is soooo funny- even after all these years and seeing episodes many times over. I watch this show every night before I go to bed. 
6. Drunkastrology- Graham is hilarious and gives me life. His weekly forecasts are highly entertaining and his weekly Instagram Live is the highlight of my week!!
7. Hockey- I'm Canadian. Enough said. Go Rangers!!

*I could really live without if needed, but would prefer not too

Difficult Roads, Beautiful Destinations

Late last year, I left a very unhappy, uncomfortable situation that did not align with my personal beliefs. I wasn't being treated well, I wasn't being valued. Selfish people were stabbing people in the back to protect themselves. As hard as I tried to stay out of it, explicitly saying I wanted nothing to do with the situation, I kept getting dragged in. I wasn't the only one. Three people created chaos and brought so much negativity to the lives of others. People were drastically affected in life changing ways.

While I was able to get out of the situation, in a very ugly way, and move forward with my life rather quickly, my past- the situation, people connected- have popped up every so often reminding me of everything that happened and how horrible it was. Sometimes it's a negative thought, and sometimes it's a punch in the stomach. 

It was a very difficult road I found myself on and it ended in a dark spot, but I kept traveling the road. The road I was on, the journey, had some nice stops along the way. The road became less difficult, even though there were still challenges and sharp turns and uphill portions. 

Now? I have a job I love, an amazing company and team that I'm part of, quality friendships, a fulfilling relationship and the best partner. My family, who has always been great, has always been there.

The difficult roads I traveled down did lead me to a one of the most beautiful destinations, more beautiful than I had ever imagined. This beautiful destination is a place I plan on staying at for awhile. 

So Positive

It has been a minute or two since I posted...I feel like I say that quite frequently, but that's ok- more on that tomorrow!! I've spent the past two and a half months adjusting to a new normal, after four months of uncertanity, with a month and a half of misery before that.

I'm excited about this new path that I am. I'm feeling fulfilled, happy, and that I can do what I'm best at with no one and nothing trying to hold me back or suffocate me. 

Life is good!!

I consider myself to be forever optimistic. Sure, I have my down days or times where I get into a negative funk. For the most part, I'm a very positive person. There are a lot of people who love this about me. There is a small group that hates this about me. 

There are people who are only happy if they have drama going on. There are people who like to gossip. There are people who are forever bitter and everything is negative to them. There are people who are pessimistic, who think everyone is out to get them, who think there is no good in the world, are always looking for the negative, who... These people are draining. DRAINING. 

Even when in the presence of these negative people, I always smile, laugh, and point out the good. 

Yes, I am so positive that negative people don't want to be around me. But I'm also so positive and have so many positive things going on, that I have time or energy for negative people. 

You are who you associate with...and I don't want to be associated with negative. 

Be That Girl

Over the years, I have had many females try and take me down for a variety of reasons. 99% of those reasons are related to jealousy or feeling threatened. I know that this is a common thing, that what I have experienced is not out of the ordinary. Women have the tendency to go after or "attack" other women. 

I am also incredibly lucky to have some really amazing women in my life. Women who support and uplift me, women who want to see me succeed and volunteer to help me succeed. These are the type of women I want to be around, and this is the type of person I want to be.

Last year my goals was every month to write a note to a woman I knew and just tell her that I thought she was amazing, that she was doing a good job, and any other encouragement or praise that applied to her. I didn't tell anyone that this was my goal- I just did it. Some women thanked me for the note, others never mentioned, and most told me that I appreciated hearing whatever I said to them...that they were struggling and that my encouragement lifted them up. 

Be that girl...the girl who builds others up, who encourages, who makes the world a kinder place.

Just Done

Towards the end of 2018, I ended a friendship with one of my best friends. In January or February of 2018, she started an affair with a married co-worker. She too is married. As of November, the last time I really spoke to her, she was still involved with him. She thought she was in love with him and thought of him as her boyfriend. 

She used me in a VERY messed up game that she was playing. Her "boyfriend" also used me as a pawn in order to "get back at" people he didn't like, and to reassure my former friend. Things spiraled out of control and over 20 people ended up in an unnecessary, painful, stressful situation. The result of what they did affected people in life changing ways...this was not a small situation. 

Of all the people who know of and were involved in the situation, most of them think that I was treated the most unfairly and harshly, with greatest consequences. There was a whole aspect of my life that was turned upside down and torn apart. I don't know if I was treated the most unfairly, but I agree that I had the greatest consequences. I am still dealing with and wading through those consequences from two months ago. I am optimistic that things will work out and be resolved, but as of right now, there is no end in sight.

In the immediate aftermath, I cut her out of my life. I didn't talk to her, and I prevented her from talking to me- blocking and deleting her. 

She and I eventually had a very short conversation, where my goal was to tell her that I wasn't mad or upset with her...I had accepted the situation and moved on. I had no intention of rekindling our friendship, but I wanted her to know I had no ill will. 

Her goal was to tell me how much I hurt her by blocking her, how unfairly I had treated her, that I hadn't acted like a friend...essentially tell me I am bad person, guilt trip me, and play the role of victim. As far as she was concerned, I was making up things that had happened to me- even though I was flat out told that what was happening to me was a result of something she had said and done, which I told her. She told me she couldn't talk about it and proceed to update me on her life, as if nothing had happened. I was a little surprised-as she identifies as a Christian and says she wants to do the right thing, and be a good person- that she refused to take ownership for her role, her refusal to apologize for- or even acknowledge- the damage she created.

I, in good conscience and good faith, could not be friends with someone like her- liar, cheater, consistent stupid decision maker, hurting innocent people, backstabbing her best friend, frequently selfish and self absorbed, etc. I deserved better than that. Plus, you are who you associate with and I did not want to be associated with all of that. Our conversation reaffirmed to me that I had done the right thing in ending our friendship.

We hear it all the time- know when to cut your losses and move on. Easier said than done, I know. A lot of times you just need to be done...with situations, people. Sometimes there is just no working things out...because there is no positive resolution, because the other person doesn't deserve to still be in your life, because you can't reach a resolution, because...because...because...

You can just walk away.

You don't need to harbour resentment or bad feelings. You can just say "I'm done" and move forward with your life. You don't need to justify or explain why you are done. You can be done with things over big situations- like mine- or it can be over small things that bother you but are insignificant to others. You don't need to rehash things, you don't have to try and work things out, and you do not need to accommodate anyone else.

Know yourself worth and value.

Just be done. 

It's ok to be done.

Plot Twist

Recently, I had two bombshells dropped on me. Both were related to the same aspect of my life and definitely threw me for a loop. Realistically, I should have known something would come up. No matter how great, wonderful, perfect something is, there are always highs and lows. 

I had to ask myself "Where do I go from here?". It was an uncomfortable thought, uncomfortable reality. The first time around, I decided that I just had new information and that didn't really change anything. Everything was still great and I needed to not dwell. It took me four or five days, a lot of tears, silence, and conversation to get there. 

The second time was harder. It made me question what else I didn't know, what else would be brought to my attention. There were a lot of questions and uncertainty. Do I make a clean break and walk away? Do I stay and try and figure things out? Do I act like nothing has happened? Do I put my guard up and slowly push away from the situation?

In the midst of agonizing over the situation, I came across this quote: 

This is just a plot twist. It adds another element to my story, but it's not worth dwelling on. It is what it is. I can't go back and change it...no matter how much I think about it. I need to be present in the moment, focus on now.

I can stay and see what happens, or I can walk away. 

Either way, I need to move on.

This is just a plot twist.

My Path

I will admit, it took me a couple of tries to write this blog post. I kept changing my mind on the quote, on the reflection, on what I wanted to share. 

The past month and a half-ish, I have been happy. Sure, there is a fairly big situation I need to take care of, and I have a somewhat big worry in my life right now...but I'm working on them both, and I am hopefully they will both be taken care of soon. Despite these two things, I have been happy.

My life path has changed. At times I feel some anxiety about it, but then my family/friends/S.O. remind me that things will work out, they remind me how great I am, and they remind me how much they believe in me, how I did the right thing, that there are better things coming, and how proud they are of me.  

When I first saw this quote, I took it as something you could say to someone else- my path doesn't look like your path, and that's ok, don't judge me. In looking at the quote today, it's something I can say to myself; my path is different than I had intended or planned, but that's not a bad thing. Just because my path suddenly changed, doesn't mean I am lost, headed in a negative direction, that I need help, or that I am doomed. 

My path is now different because I was on the wrong path. I was losing who I was, I was losing sight of what mattered to me, I was losing my priorities and focus, I was losing my happiness. I was clearly lost, even if I didn't realize it at the time. 

Since my path changed, I found clarity and freedom. I realigned my priorities, and am focusing on a new task. I rediscovered my happiness and what makes me happy. I know, I hope, in the coming weeks my path will change yet again. I know that it will be a different path, but it will also be the path I am supposed to be on. 

Just because things aren't as I had intended, hoped, planned...I know there are better intentions, hopes, plans...and I will encounter them on this path.

I'm not lost, I'm just on my own, unique journey. 

It's ok if it's not the journey you think I should be on.

It's ok if it's not the journey I had thought I wanted to be on.

This is the path, the journey, I was meant to have.

My Hope For You This Week

I hope that everyone had an amazing Christmas Day yesterday...a day full of love, laughter, family and friends. Here in Canada, today is Boxing Day-I will not be heading our shopping but I hope to find some deals online- and the first day of the World Juniors!! Here's hoping that Canada does well in the tournament this year!!

Now, I realize that not everyone celebrates a holiday in December, and I realize that some people are headed back to work today or tomorrow. But I hope you all can find some time to reflect on your 2018 and start to think about what you would like 2019 to be like for you. I hope you have the chance to connect with family and friends, people you love the most, this week. I hope there is opportunity for you to enjoy some quiet moments to yourself, focusing on self-care...however that may look for you. 

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook last week, and I knew I wanted to share it on my blog. It's a reminder to focus on the small things and appreciate what you have in life. Find joy in every moment.

Mandy Hale, @thesinglewomen

Best Person You Can Be

Happy Monday! It has been a while- about six months- since I have posted. Life got busy, I had different priorities, and blogging took a back seat. I have missed my little space here on the internet. I had a lot of really great things happen the past six months- most of it travelling, sprinkled with time spent with family and friends. By all accounts, 2018 was a very happy, productive and positive year for me. 

Until about two months ago. 

Two months ago, I was pulled into a situation that I wanted nothing to do with, I didn't want to be a part of, and I knew very little about. There was gossip, drama, and backstabbing. All great elements for a soap opera/tv show/movie, but horrible elements for a professional setting. Each week, things got worse and worse. 

I was unhappy, miserable, and trying desperately to rise above. I changed my behaviour- not to conform, but in an attempt-in hopes- that it would save me from being dragged down further with the negativity that I was now surrounded by. I stopped being me. I became a person in this environment that I didn't recognize. In my personal life, I was still myself and I still found myself surrounded with true friends who loved and supported me, who offered advice and empathy for my situation. They encouraged me.

But the negativity...it was too much. About a month ago, the negativity reached it's peak. I was disgusted by the attitudes and behaviours, how myself and others were treated, and by the hypocrisy of people being valued and belonging. I saw the situation and the people for what it and who they  really were. People who are Christians, were not upholding Christian ethos or values. 

I wanted NOTHING to do with them or the situation. I didn't want to be associated with all of the horrible things they were saying and doing. I was- and still am- repulsed by them, their actions and attitudes.

I don't think there was hate involved- such a strong word- but the ignorance, drama and negativity were so extreme that I can't find accurate words to describe it. 

Image via dailyfunnyquote.com

Since leaving the situation-within minutes- I felt free. I had broken away from the horrible, negative, drama, and ignorance...there was a lot of ignorance. I don't appreciate the way I-or others in the situation- was treated, but I was beyond thankful to be done with that B.S. 

In the immediate aftermath, I took steps to further remove myself from the negative- specifically the person who started it all. I put measures in place to distance myself and to prevent being dragged back into it all. 

From the onset of leaving, I refused to let the situation, the experience, the drama to hold me back, consume me, suck me in, turn me into a bitter person, turn me into the unethical and poor judgement people that they are. 

I have not, and will not, let them stop me being from being me- the best person I can be. 

I a lover of laughter, simple, forever optimistic, kind, genuine, true to myself, happy to be me. 

No on will ever change that. 

Somebody Else

It has been a minute or two since I have posted!! I have been busy traveling- both for work and for pleasure- and just enjoying life. I'm excited that Summer has officially started!! I have spent a lot of time outside, and at the beach. 

Right now, life is great and I am incredibly happy. I feel that this upcoming week will be a bit of a challenge for me...I have some fun things planned and will be spending time with friends, but this week will have it's challenges. 

I cam across this quote last month and I have made it my mantra, When I struggle or am having a bad day, I switch my focus to helping or doing something nice for someone else. It has ranged from writing a note to someone and telling them they are doing an awesome job to asking a co-worker what their biggest task/struggle/issue is and asking how I can help or if I can take the task off their plate and do it for them. These gestures, no matter how small, will make the other person feel happy, which in turns makes me feel better.

Being able to take that negative situation/space that I am in and then using my energy to help someone else, has the ability to really turn my day around. 

People With Purpose...A Positive Life

Last week was a week of frustration, heartache, and a LOT of negativity. I tired my best to not let things get to me, to not take things personally, to rise about the negative. I pulled knives out of my back, ignored the gossip, tried to move forward.

I have always felt, believed, and acted like I have no time for drama. I can't be bothered. My life is busy. I have other things to focus on. This quote resonates with me: 

There are so many things- big and small- that I am focused on accomplishing. I thrive on creativity. My main focus in life is being happy and seeing the good in life. When there is "drama", I remove myself from the situation...I walk away, I don't engage, and-at times- put measures in place so I can't be drawn back into the situation. 

I'm ready to put last week behind me and move forward. 

I'm ready to refocus on my goals, and am committed to living a positive life. 

And it's ok if some people, situations, and drama aren't part of that.

As Much Effort...As You Do With Me

I started last week with hope...someone, unexpectedly, coming back to me. By mid-week, I started to question him- as much as I like him. By the end of the week, I knew I had to let him go...I deserve more than heartache. Again. From him. My week was also spent with friends...I am so lucky to have amazing friends who are supportive, caring, encouraging. They have my best interest in mind, and are always telling me that I deserve to be happy, that they want to see me happy. These are friends that I can trust, and confide in. They celebrate with me, and console me when needed.

Getting to connect  with these friends this week, got me thinking of other friends and people in my life. After a fun girls night on Friday, which also included a little soul baring which led to soul searching, I spent the weekend removing people from my life- removing/unfollowing on social media, and removing their numbers from my phone. 

Image Via

I came across this quote awhile ago, and it immediately made me think of a very specific person, who I did remove from my life on the weekend. Despite my best efforts, she is someone I haven't seen in almost three years...she will frequently be within 30 minutes from me (which I know because of her social media posts), and won't bother telling me. I talk to her once a year, when I call her, and she'll say "we should get together next weekend", but I never hear from her again. Up until two-ish years ago, I was always initiating contact- calling (which she rarely answered, and never returned), texting, extending invitations. I was frustrated with always being the one putting in the effort. So I stopped (with the exception of the yearly phone call). The extent of our "friendship" is her "liking" a photo on Instagram...every few months, she'll leave a comment.  

After some thought, I can think of a small handful of "friends" this applies too. I removed them this weekend too. 

Going through my social media and phone, I came across some people...they were at one time people I considered friends. People I made the effort to be a friend too. People that my relationship with just fell apart or we lost touch. People I hadn't spoken to or seen in years...people who I cared about, and who I doubt even think of me any more. 

I was holding on to the past...holding out hope that something would change, that we would go back to "what was". In the best case, it would be someone who I haven't interacted with in a year, even though I have tried multiple times over the year to connect with them. In the worst case, it was people I haven't connected with in 10+ years. 

I realized I needed to let these people go. I can think back on happier times with them and smile. But what we had is over and will likely never be again. 

On Friday, I realized I needed to let go of my past so that I can move forward. 

And, it's ok to not talk to some people anymore. The amount of effort I put in, is the amount of effort I deserve in return.

Next Chapter

2017 was, overall, a great year. It was also a year of a lot changes, and ultimately the end of a lot of friendships. Nothing dramatic...they just kinda ran their course. Some friendships I am indifferent too. Others, I really miss. I've even tried in 2018 to re-establish a couple of those friendships, but failed.

We all have things in our lives- relationships, situations, items- that we constantly re-visit. We go back and think "what if" or "if only" or "remember when". I have always tried to live in the present and not dwell on the past. With everything that happened last year, I am finding I am thinking about the past more than I would like. The truth is I'm having a hard time letting some thing go, and having a hard time moving on.

I came across this quote, and I know this is what I need to focus on moving forward:
 

Crayons Still Colour

Happy Monday!! I took a mini-blogging break last week- Olympic watching kinda took over my life. Actually, February was a very hectic month..a lot going on personally and professionally. I am looking forward to a bit of travel for work this week, and not looking forward to Olympic withdrawal. 

 

Here is some food for thought this week:

 

Progress/Perfection

Happy Monday!! It was another snowy and hibernating weekend here. It was also restful and relaxing, a great way to recharge and get ready for the week ahead. With a busy few weeks ahead of me, I'm going to focus on this:

 

For Like 5 Minutes

It was a snowy weekend here...had a great Girls Night on Saturday, and was spoiled by a friend for my upcoming birthday. I feel that I had a somewhat productive weekend, but I can't say that confidently. 

Speaking of confidence...

 

Inspire Me- What If

Another week, another Monday, another  quote:

I am big believer in taking chances, going with your gut. I also believe there is no such thing as a mistake if you learn something- even if the "learn something" is "I shouldn't have done that and I won't do it in the future".

Inspire Me- More Letters

Happy Monday!! I hope everyone had a great weekend. I have been battling a cold for the past few days, so my weekend was pretty low key. 

This weeks inspiration

 

This is something that I live by. When things don't work as planned, I take a step back and ask myself "now what?" and come up with a new approach. It can be discouraging to go through a number of plans before finally finding the right one, but keep going- eventually you will find the right plan.

Inspire Me: Haters

Happy Monday!! I had such a crazy week last week. Lots of meetings, work, and opportunities. There are a couple of things that happened last week, that I am really excited for and to see how they will play out. There is one project I've been asked to work on, and I'm not sure how well it will go over when someone finds out it's been assigned to me. I will worry about that if and when it happens. 

In the meantime, I'm going to remind myself of this:

Inspire Me: Focus

Happy Monday!! I hope everyone had a great weekend!! It was a cold one here- we spent most of it under an extreme cold warning. I did some cleaning and organizing, a lot of Netflix watching, and spent time with a good friend. 

 

A little reminder for the week ahead:

 

It can be so easy to get caught up in the negative of what's going on in the world and/or in your personal life. When there is negative happening, it's easy to focus on it and sometimes even let it consume you, forgetting the good that is also happening. Challenge yourself to focus on the good- no matter how small.