Monday 31 December 2018

2018, It's Time We Move On

Dear 2018, 

I don't even know where to begin... You were aware of the heartbreak that 2017 put me through, and I was excited to leave 2017 and start something with you. You had so much promise.

You were so good to me, 2018. We had fun, you brought me joy, there was adventure. But in the end, you betrayed me. 

We started with the opportunity for self-care, which I desperately needed. I went back to looking after myself, something I hadn't done in awhile. I did things because I wanted to, and I cut out a lot of things that I felt obligated to do. I stopped putting in effort with "friends" who couldn't be bothered. I started focusing on friends who deserved my friendship. This resulted in the loss of people who I considered best friends, but I saw that our friendship was one sided and that I deserved better.

Things were going so well for us, 2018. We travelled out East- Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia. I had the experience of a lifetime and made some amazing memories. This was the first time in four years (almost to the day), since I had taken a week off. It was much needed- the vacation, the time to relax, the chance to explore, the opportunity to experience the East Coast. I have always wanted to visit PEI, and I have a goal to visit all of Canada's Provinces and Territories. Thank you for helping me accomplish this and cross two provinces off my list. My trip out East is one of the highlights of our relationship.

Another highlight? S. Bringing S to me, our chance meeting, everything that had to happen in order for us to have that initial interaction, and everything that has happened since...I am forever thankful. He is everything...the support he has given me, his belief in me and encouragement, his caring and understanding, his kindness...there is so much good. For this, I will be in your debt.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my dad's re-election. While the campaign was...trying...his landslide victory was welcomed with gratitude. People believe in him, the work he is doing and the work he would like to do. He, with the support of our family, will continue to serve our communities, continuing to make them a better place.

Professionally, 2018, you brought me my busiest year. I worked on 98 events, an increase of over 30 events from 2017. I traveled more for work than in any other year. I was traveling to the same two places- Peterborough and Ottawa- but you kept me on the road. Each trip was met with busy days of meetings, but I also had the time to connect with people.

One of the Peterborough trips gave me a once in a lifetime opportunity. I had the chance to have dinner IN the Canadian Canoe the middle of the building, surrounded by exhibits. This was such a memorable, unique, once in a lifetime experience.

I felt that I hit my stride professionally this year. I took risks, I gained confidence, my talent and hardwork were recognized- but not appreciated. I reached a point where I had proved that I can do and handle anything. Most importantly, I realized my professional value.

2018, things were going so well for us. I thought you were The One. 

Towards the end of October-I can't recall the exact date- something happened. This was the start of the betrayal, the beginning of the end. I knew it the second that it happened. The next 4-ish weeks were miserable, everything changed for the worst. You made me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, violated...A LOT of negative. I withdrew, went through the motions, hoping the abuse would stop, hoping I would go unnoticed and be left alone. Wishful thinking. You kept coming for me, abusing me over and over.

It all came to a head on November 22. I saw clearly. I was disappointed, disgusted, appalled, horrified at your character and actions. I wanted NOTHING to do with you. I lost all respect for you. I saw who you really were. I realize there is more to the story, things I don't know. But I know enough that you don't deserve me, my time or my thoughts. You definitely do not deserve my loyalty. That went out the window with your false and poor judgement- which I have told people about. Your secrets are no longer safe with me. After what you did, you don't deserve my protection and I am not going to lie to cover up for you. If I get asked, which I have, I will continue to tell the truth.

I felt relief...I was done with you. I had my escape, I was finally free. Almost. I knew I still had weeks left with you, 2018. But we really began to live separately. The next day, I had a fantastic girls weekend that was so much fun. In the weeks that followed, I spent time with the people I love the most, a lot of them I hadn't been able to spend time with previously. I went back to self-care. I went out to events, embraced the role of political daughter. I started to set myself up to be noticed by someone else, so that when the time came I would be ready to 100% move on.

I am so ready to move on. I am thankful for everything you brought me, 2018, but I am done with you. That month-ish of negativity overshadows all of the good. There was so, so, so much good...but that's how bad those four weeks were. As I move on, I will leave the negative with you because it's what you deserve. I will be taking the good with me-my experiences and memories, family and friends, S, true friendships, love and support, and the promise of better opportunities.

You should know 2018, that in about 16 hours I will be meeting 2019. I have so much hope and optimism for me and 2019. Please leave me alone, let me move on, and let me discover with 2019 all that you could not give me or live up to. 

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.
Write a good one. - Brad Paisley

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